The Last Day of School....The First Day of The Rest of My Life.

Today is the last day of the school year. I can't say that I am sad, even though I really like school. Honestly what thirteen year old is saddened by the last day of school...? I like to look at it in the most positive way.
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!! I guess everyday is..but somehow we never seem to appreciate the blessings of a new sunrise as we rise from our beds every morning. I think it's about time to take the reins and take out the trash left behind. Therefore, I have decided that this summer I will relieve myself of old baggage. Namely, what has been left over from my parent's divorce. I intend to confront some things that have been bothering me for quite a while. Things that until now, I could never really understand.
These are my feelings, and though I do not intend to injure anyone else, this is the reality. I can't speak for everyone who has shared my journey, but as for myself, this is my saga.

First of All: A note to my father...You all know him as Joe. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I remember a lot. Even if you think I don't. Maybe you were in a time in your life when the pressure was a lot. Maybe you were immature or maybe you just weren't prepared mentally to raise three kids at such an early age. I don't know your reasons, but I do remember the day you sat me down when I was two and told me that I couldn't live with you anymore. I remember when you would leave for days and wouldn't come back. I remember you cold and void of expressions when my mother would beg you to stay home. It hurts me.
Now I know that adults have complicated relationships sometimes, but I also know my mother. She is a good mother. She is a good wife to my Baba...(stepfather). She never says anything bad about you, but I remember what happened.
My mom says that I am a lot like you. She said I am funny and sarcastic like you. I have a great memory. I can quote passages from books and movies verbatim, just like you.. I walk like you (much to my dismay) and I have your "distinguished" chin..whatever that means. She said I have all of your good qualities. I am stubborn, (but you are off the hook on that one.) She said I get that from her side...
I guess what is bothering me is that you rattle on and on in your blog about how you try to call and write us as much as possible. You publicly recall how important my brothers and I are to you. You pine over how saddening it is that you haven't seen us for "5 years". Get real Dad. You never call. I called you two months ago because I didn't even know if you were still alive. You haven't called us for 3 or 4 years. The ONLY time you have ever sent us a letter was when you sent us pictures of your little girl when she was a newborn. That was three years ago. As far as seeing us? That was 7 years ago. I guess it is hard to keep track though. I know you have a life of your own, just like we do. I am not really sad about not visiting you because I think I would miss my mom too much but, I do love you dad, you are a part of me after all. I can't help but feel angry with you at times....a lot of times. You deserted us dad. You picked up your life and pretended we never existed. You don't even know us.
With that said, there is good news.
I have a really wonderful life dad. My mom and dad are really supportive of me, and try to help me make sense of it all. They always set high standards which I must admit isn't always fun, but when I am successful in school and achieve my goals I appreciate it. My mom even made me start seeing a therapist....strange....but the therapist is nice...She reassured me I have the right to my feelings and should confront them. I don't do much talking to her, but I do listen and like to think about her suggestions. I think overall, I have great sense of who I am and who I want to be. The one question I have though... Why did you not value us? If I knew the answer to that question I think I could get over it. I think I could forgive you.


Now for those of you who are reading this blog who are not involved with the "D" issue, welcome to my saga. I don't know how exciting it will be as you journey along with me on my way. I am just an average teen with an average life. I think I should get reacquainted with those who have been out of contact with me for awhile. First of all I am thirteen...the oldest. Actually I have one stepbrother the same age as me, but as the oldest daughter, I certainly rank in maturity.
I have 8 siblings. Six of them live with us, two do not. Now I know it seems like a lot, and at times I want to pull my hair out, but it's all in good fun. It is quite humorous at times, and often a source of inspiration for my writing. Having seven brothers and one small sister is a comedy in the making. I am currently in the process of writing a book of poetry....called Memoirs of a Big Sister. It is quite a funny book though unfinished mind you. God willing, one day, I will finish it. I just finished school as I mentioned in the beginning of my post, and passed my CRCT tests with flying colors. I prayed hard on the math section. With sweaty palms I solved each one according to my best abilities, and Allah is Great, he answered me. By the way, Allah is the Arabic word for God for those of you who don't know. A lot of people think that Muslims worship a different God but they don't. Allah is just the name of God in Arabic.
Oh, guess I should mention that I am a Muslim. ( I guess you have figured that out already) I think a lot of people out there make judgements pretty unfairly. They should learn about things before they pass judgements. I had one girl in my History class...she hates me now because I am Muslim. We were discussing the religions of the world in one unit of our history class a lot of the kids in our class were discussing Muslims. Of course, they have images of militant, wife beating, Arabs who smell like goats and camels....Ridiculous! I had to set them straight (in a nice way of course). I asked them if they knew what Muslims believed...or if they had ever met a real life Muslim...none of them knew or had. They were quite shocked to learn they were talking to a Muslim at that very moment....I had a few insults thrown my way by that particular girl. I felt really sorry for her, because the level of her ignorance overcame her intellect in the most severe way. The rest of the kids however, were really curious, and graciously asked questions of pertinence. We had a good laugh when one boy thought the word Muslim was the word for sheep meat...we laughed so hard, when I told him the word is "Mutton"... I could tell he was embarrassed but it broke the ice, and made for a good laugh and a good pat on the back for him. Even our teacher laughed though she was fuming at the girl for her ill mannered remarks, and then she reminded us all that our freedom as Americans hinges on the rights to religion, speech...etc. Later, she told the girl that she shouldn't talk about things that she isn't well informed upon. I think that is why the girl hates me.
OH WELL! I have learned that to be true to oneself is better than trying to please the world. I have also learned that no matter what, there will always be someone who hates you from the inside out for no good reason. My mother always says, "Don't let other peoples' issues become your own"...So I leave them brood on their own terms. You can't help everyone.

I guess I will close, I always have something to say, but if I say it all now, what will I blog next time?


Until then, Just call me Nora...